In an embarrassing goof-up, details of several yet-to-be-released software made its way to Google's website. The official google blog, however, doesn't mention anything about these launches. When contacted, Google declined to comment. Well placed industry sources describe these software features as "revolutionary". Times of India spoke to a few Google employees off-the-record, and brings its readers a Special Report.
Google introduces several features to Gmail. Autopilot learns how you respond to emails by going through your sent items. Once configured, it can automatically respond to all incoming emails. Google claims the responses "will mirror your communication style, capitilization, typos, use of emoticons and even the way you slang". AutoPilot is intelligent enough to know the other recipient also has AutoPilot, and will stop responding after 3 messages. Otherwise you'd end up going to dinner parties or baby namings in which you have no interest!
The second addition to gmail is Custom Time, which allows you to send back-dated emails to your gmail contacts. Back-dated emails show up in the correct chronological order in the recipients inbox. As one Google employee puts it, "I never forget wishing my friends on birthday, the concept of being late no longer exists". Google may eventually pull-out this feature because of its potential to tamper with time. Time will tell (or perhaps not).
And finally, Gmail Paper, a service that delivers all your email as paper printouts. Unlimited, free, paper-printouts, delivered at your door-step. Before you cry about the environment, remember that the paper they use is "..96% post-consumer organic soybean sputum, and thus, actually helps the environment". We wonder what the catch is though, Google obviously isn't into charity.
Search also has some interesting additions. Google Romance allows you to search your soulmate. Based on your email, your Orkut profile, your friends profile, your website browsing habits, the blogs you write or read, and a host of other factors, Google Romance makes a unique persona for each user. It then uses this information to find the perfect soulmate for you. As a Googler told TOI, 'we know you better than you do, and therefore can find your perfect partner'.
For those who don't like typing, Google Search is now powered by MentalPlex. You guessed it right, it reads your mind to figure what you want to search. Google uses hundreds of variables to figure your state of mind - including position of stars (they have your birthdate and location, remember?), how fast you are typing at the keyboard, the last 5 sites you visited and so on. Harry Potter fans even compared MentalPlex to the dark art of Legilimency!
On the Infrastructure side, Google terminates its Free-wi-fi-internet-at-airpot scheme by launching Free-In-Home-Wireless-Internet. Available only in the US, this service requires users to install a commode based TiSP Wireless Router. It uses the existing plumbing infrastructure to connect to municipal sewers, where Google has installed its access points. Google's Vice President Marissa Mayer says "I couldn't be more excited about, and am only slightly grossed out by, this remarkable new product".
TOI also learnt about Google's Search infrastructure. Its common knowledge that Google has a huge cluster of PCs backing its search engine. Everyone assumed PC was Personal Computer, however, we now learnt that PC stands forPigeon Cluster, and the popular Page Rank algorithm is actually the "Pigeon Rank" algorithm. How does it work? A website is flashed on a huge screen, and the response of pigeons is tracked. The faster they flap their wings, the higher the page rank. Pretty neat.
When asked how they managed to keep development of so many products a secret, we learnt that Google has a development center on the Moon. Yes, the moon. In fact they even had an advertisement seeking suitable candidates, but everyone back then assumed it was an April Fool Prank. Only lunatics would have applied to such a job on 1st April (and ironically, would have made it through).
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